LOL! Etcetera chastises Big Brother Africa in hilarious new article | MUST READ

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Etcetera decides to pen down an interactive
article about Big Brother Africa and speaks
on the flaws and strength of the reality
show.

Hello Bigbrother! This is your egbon
speaking. Please come to the diary room
for questioning.’

‘Huh? This is my what? Who the hell is my
egbon? I am Bigbrother and nobody
summons me to any diary room.’

‘Shut your mouth Bigbrother and listen
very carefully. I am your egbon. That
means I am your bigger brother and you
have to show me some respect. And If I
want you in the diary room, you go there
without a grumble. And listen Bigbrother,
you better take your hands off your pocket
and wipe that fake baritone off your voice
when talking to your egbon. Olori buruku
omo ti o ni respect. Are you still standing
there? You have less than a minute to put
on a shirt and present yourself for
questioning in the diary room.’

‘Please sit down Bigbrother, you are now in
egbon’s diary room and in the course of
this session, no argument will be tolerated.
You are only allowed to speak when
answering a question. And you are only
permitted to answer my questions with
“Yes egbon” or “No egbon.” Have I made
myself very clear Bigbrother?’

‘Yes egbon.’

‘Very good, now my first question,
Bigbrother, are you aware that your ratings
have dropped tremendously?’

‘Yes egbon.’

‘And do you have any contingency plan to
salvage this situation?’

‘No egbon.’

‘Why don’t you have a contingency plan?
Isn’t that what any intelligent person
would do?’

‘Yes egbon but nobody would have thought
my ratings would crash at any point
considering my platform.’

Moving on Bigbrother, tell me, was it part
of your initial plan for people to be
subjected to those troubling scenes which
are corrupting the morals of their
children?’

‘Ehmm yes egbon, that was actually the
plan. That is why it is called a reality TV
show.’

‘So you are saying that the smo-king of
mari-juana and drinking alcohol are also
part of this reality?’

‘Egbon, these house mates are no kids and
some of them are chain smokers and
drunkards outside TV. So, why make them
pretend on TV? Moreover, making money
is the objective and you and I know that
immorality sells faster than anything on
TV.’

‘Bigbrother, I want you to be very honest
with your answer to the next question.’

‘Ok egbon trust me.’

‘I was told you have two daughters, can you
lock any or both of them in the same house
with strangers from other countries for
months and allow them have random s*x
and shower naked under camera
surveillance with the whole world
watching?’

‘Egbon sincerely I won’t.’


‘Why won’t you? But you told me in clear
terms that the main objective of your show
is to promote mutual coexistence between
Africans from various countries.’

‘Egbon my children are schooling and they
are not cut out for things like this.’

‘Oh, you mean other people’s children are
good to coexist but yours can’t ehn
Bigbrother?’

‘Egbon, my daughters are very fragile and
they get bruised easily. But are you
accusing me of taking advantage of the
contestants or the public? I never forced
anybody to subscribe to my show. Also the
contestants knew what they were getting
into from the outset. Nobody forced them
to participate. And egbon, how come
nobody talks about my $300,000 that the
winner takes home every season? How
come nobody talks about the fact that I am
turning these guys into celebrities? Most of
them were on the streets and I gave them
opportunities. People should stop this
undeserved criticism.’

‘But are you aware that people are
referring to what you have here as a
modern day concentration camp?’

‘Egbon, I
have never heard that term before.’

‘Yes of course you haven’t. But you must
have heard that most religious leaders are
clamouring for your outright ban?’

‘Egbon, don’t make me laugh, I can assure
you that those ones are the addicted
viewers of the shower hour. Egbon, abeg
leave the religious leaders, I don’t have
time for their hypocrisy.’

‘Ok, Bigbrother, tell me the first thing that
went through your mind when you heard
your show was banned by the Malawian
government.’

‘Egbon sincerely I just laughed at the jokers
and knew such ban won’t last and like I
predicted, it didn’t.’

‘So who was responsible for the lifting of
the ban?’

‘Egbon I am Bigbrother but you of all
people should know that I have bigger
brothers.’

‘Yes I am one of your bigger brothers and I
was sent here by others because we are all
losing patience with the drop of income.
And before I leave here Bigbrother, let me
inform you that the other financiers
including myself would love to know your
plans to increase your ratings.’

‘Egbon, there is no need to worry. Just tell
them they will start making a lot of more
money very soon.’

‘Bigbrother please cut the crap and give us
something tangible. What exactly do you
have in mind?’

‘Egbon I am introducing other side
attractions like lap dancing and stri-pping
from next season. It will be tagged
“Bigbrother the Ero-tica.” I know a lot of
people will call for my head at first but
trust me egbon, like shower hour, it will be
another hit and income from sms will pour
in like water from a broken dam.’

‘That would be fantastic Bigbrother. But
don’t you consider that kids are watching?’

‘Egbon that’s why we have PG regulations
and this new additions can only be viewed
by special subscribers.’

‘Bigbrother I can assure you that these
additions will most definitely bring about
your end. You will be butchered from left,
right and centre.’

‘Forget that tin, egbon. Like 2baba would
say, nothing dey happen.’

If you just read the above,I’d like to know what you think about the BBA show. Drop a comment below!

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