Are you a university student? You need to read this hilarious piece! “Martin 24” by Yinka Alabi

So I was going through facebook and stumbled upon this hilarious piece on Yinka Alabi‘s Timeline. Read and share your thoughts!

 


SIGNS OF EXAM TIMES
Martins 24 :
1 And P-Funky went out and departed from SUB: and his followers came to show him the theatrical edifice of Amphitheatre.
2 And P-Funky said unto them, See ye not all these seats? verily I say unto you, There shall not be left here one bleacher or another, that shall not be sitted upon because of MFM success prayers.
3 And as he sat at the foot of the cross of Chapel, his followers came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of the coming of exams, and of the end of the session?
4 And P-Funky answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
5 For many shall come in the name of the DSA; and shall deceive many.
6 And ye shall hear of tests and rumours of tests: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
7 For lecturer shall rise against student, and student against lecturer: and there shall be strikes, and protests, and distress, in many places.
8 All these are the beginning of stress.
9 Then shall they deliver you up to be examined, and shall kill you with many questions: and you shall be hated of all unserious students for preparedness’ sake.
10 And then shall many be offended, and shall set up one another, and shall beef one another.
11 And many false friends shall rise, and shall deceive many.
12 And because expo shall abound, the hardwork of many shall wax unto laziness.
13 And this gospel of hardwork and diligence shall be preached in all the campus for a witness unto all students; and then shall the end come.
15 When ye therefore shall see the ABOMINATION OF BARBEQUE AND PUNCH, spoken of by Korede the tornado, stand in the meeting place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)
16 Then let them which be in the reading room flee into the exam halls:
17 Let him which is in the faculty not come out to take anything from the hostel:
18 Neither let him which is in the department return back to change his clothes.
19 And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!
20 But pray ye that your paper be not during raining season, neither on harmattan.
21 For then shall be great distress and hustling, such as was not since the beginning of the session to this time, no, nor ever shall be.
22 And except those days should be lengthened, there should no flesh pass: but for the serious ones’ sake those papers would be spread out well.
23 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, exam has started, or there; believe it not.
24 For there shall arise false tutorials, and false friends, and shall show great expo and answers from past questions and textbooks; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very serious.
25 Behold, I have told you before.
26 Wherefore, if they say unto you, Behold, the expo is at Elkanemi; go not forth: behold, it is in the coded tutorials; believe it not.
27 For as the whatsapp notification comes unto you phone and rings/vibrates in your hand/pocket; so shall also the coming of exams be.
28 For wherever the nectar is, there will the bees be gathered together.
29 Immediately after the tests of those days shall the coffee be darkened, and the eyes shall not give sleep, and the tears shall fall from above, and the powerful shall be shaken.
30 And then shall appear the answer sheet of exams in the exam hall: and then all the students of the faculties shall mourn, and they shall see the answer sheets coming with the invigilators with speed and great boldness.
31 And they shall distribute the questions and gather together the answer sheets from the four walls of the University.
32 Now learn a parable from the village; when breeze blow, fowl yash go open:
33 So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors.
34 Verily I say unto you, This month shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.
35 Garri and groundnut shall pass away, but the truth shall not pass away.
36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the lecturers, but God only.
37 But as the days of Jona were, so shall also the coming of the exams be.
38 For as in the days before the election they were eating national cake and drinking money, bribing and corrupting, until the day that ‘Baba’ entered into Aso,
39 And knew not until the ‘change’ came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of exams be.
40 Then shall two be in the exam hall; the one shall be caught, and the other left.
41 Two shall be reading in the reading room; the one shall be ready, and the other not.
42 Watch therefore: for ye know not what minute your paper doth come.
43 But know this, that if you knew your iphone would have been stolen, you for even sell am for N20k before then.
44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the exam cometh.
45 Who then is a serious and diligent student, whom his parents has sent to school, to make a good grade?
46 Blessed is that student, whom when the exam comes shall find him studious.
47 Verily I say unto you, That it shall make him get A’s in all his courses.
48 But and if that unserious student shall say in his heart, My parents are not here and exam is still far;
49 And shall begin to party with his friends and to eat barbeque and be drunk with punch;
50 The exam shall come suddenly when he is not ready, and in an hour when he is not prepared,
51 And shall cut his heart asunder, and appoint him his portion with the third class, pass and carry overs: there shall be weeping, regret, and picking of teeth with broom.

One Comment

  1. Young MC October 22, 2015 Reply

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